This is Day 4 and I feel quite strong about my journey so far.....here is what I have learned in those 4 short days.....
"Wine o'clock" is the hardest time of day - for me that would be around 6pm. That's when I would pour my first glass of wine and depending on what type of day I'd had (ie...how bad the hangover was from the previous day) I could well be onto my second glass by 6.30pm and so it would go on. It sounds disgusting when written down! The first "wine o'clock" was the worst. I confess that I did think "fuck-it" and I did pour a glass from an already opened bottle from the previous day. And that's where it ended. I just left it there on the kitchen work-top while I pottered away making dinner. husband came in from work and I said "I don't want that actually, you have it if you want it". I FELT EMPOWERED!! And that have me the strength to get through the evening. I didn't last long as I was so tired I went to bed at 9pm to read.
Sleep has always been my enemy....getting to sleep that is. When I have a drink I have no problem getting to sleep but every night without fail I'd wake up at 2/3am feeling anxious then my mind would start working over-time and I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.....thus feeling exhausted the next day....thus requiring more wine to take the edge off the next evening.....hello vicious circle!!However I know from past experience of doing "dry January" that if you can break the cycle of having a drink in the evening then sleep becomes more restful and your body & mind does what it's supposed to do during sleep which is to regenerate. It takes a few nights to get used to going to sleep "without alcohol", for your body to adapt to being able to go to sleep without alcohol but I do feel I am starting to turn a corner. I fell asleep in bed watching TV last night....DIY SOS....and the dulcet tones of Nick Knowles helped me to drift off to slumber-land. Anytime I woke up I was able to get back to sleep again fairly quickly. Progress!!
Reading about alcohol has helped.....as I mentioned previously, I read The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley and I've been following her blog at http://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.co.uk/. There is a reading list on there which I have downloaded the majority of and I've started ready Kick The Drink,,,,Easily, by Jason Vale which is a really interesting read concerning how we've been brainwashed into thinking we can't live without alcohol and it aims to dispel all the myths about alcohol and talks about the freedom of being alcohol free as opposed to being "in recovery".
Fear.....this is a major obstacle to overcome when going sober. The thought of never having a drink ever again is scary.....what will people think of me, will I lose friends, will I become boring, will they think I have a problem, who will I become etc etc. What I will say though is that through reading about other people's experiences the fear is already starting to fade.....I just need to keep on fighting it.
Today is Thursday and the weekend is looming.....check in with me again on Monday to hear how it went!!
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